This week, I’m reacting to a comically bad video by EmpowerU called “Jesus vs 20 Atheists.”

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Here’s a huge block of text. Cookie goes to the first person who can figure out what the fuck he’s trying to say.

Bro is using ALL of the words that he can’t define.

I mainly feel sorry for any female coworkers he might have because you just KNOW this dude stares creepily at them all day long.

Thank you for reading, and remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

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There are many reasons why a person might not believe in god:

1. The problem of evil

2. Lack of evidence

3. Simulation theory

4. Mommy made me go to Sunday School (that’s not a real one, but that’s what Christians think happened to me to cause me to go rogue and become an atheist).

But, I’d say another convincing reason would be the fact that, if god exists, he decided to take not 1…. not 2….

…but 3 other EIGHTY YEAR OLD CELEBRITIES in 3 days that are not named Donald Trump.

First, everyone’s heart broke when Dolly passed on Tuesday.

Then, the same day, Tim Curry died.

And now we’ve lost Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime.

If there’s a god, and he decided it was THEIR time but not Donny’s, I think I’m good with sitting out eternally worshipping him.

To see the worst comments I got from Christians this week, become a paid subscriber!

I’m working on some exclusive videos that will be for paid subs only! First one drops next week.

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Thank you for reading, and remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

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I’m usually not very saddened by celebrity deaths. I mean, they’re just people like the rest of us, but some of them make an impression.

For me, personally, Chester Bennington, Kobe Bryant, and Alex Trebek hit the hardest (random grouping, I know). Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory stayed in the CD player of my 1987 Oldsmobile Calais for at least 3 straight months.

As for Mr. Trebek, my family watched Jeopardy! every single night growing up. Alex was the man.

And Kobe’s loss was just so sudden and hard to grasp.

Sadly, we just lost another good one. Dolly Parton has died at 80.

Seeing as the point of my Substack is to try to make people laugh in the hard times, I feel like this is a good time for what Milton Berle would call “an instant vacation.”

On social media, I posted “God, you took the wrong 80 year old,” implying that it should have been Donald.

Chris commented with this apt observation:

If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a paid subscriber!

Thank you for reading, and remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Around here, we give out awards to the worst and weirdest Christians.

I call it…The Fundies!

Up first, we have Buddy, who has apparently never heard the word “Evangelical” before.

Captain Vocab 🏆

The “great comedian” that I was copying? Jeff Foxworthy. I was copying the “you might be a redneck” gimmick but saying “you might be an evangelical.”

Is he saying that the amazing Foxworthy also sounds like an idiot because he uses the same word over and over again?

Also, the unnecessary commas were a great touch.

If you want to see the rest of the awards, become a paid subscriber!

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It always blows my mind that Christians claim to know the future.

Look, I get it that their book says that xyz will happen, but…c’mon.

Nathan here had to give me the rundown…

Of course, I add my little absurdity to the end to point out how ridiculous it is to claim that all of this nonsense will take place.

Comment #2 is for paid subscribers. It might not be as LOTR as the first one, but it’s a lot meaner 👇

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Let’s look at some Christian cringe that I saw on Facebook this week!

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It’s 2026, and Evangelicals STILL can’t understand that the issue that atheists have isn’t with their god; it’s with THE EVANGELICALS.

They don’t understand hypotheticals.

They don’t understand that when I say “God did xyz” that I don’t actually believe in god and that I’m pointing out the flaws in the logic of those who do.

When’s the last time someone told you that Thor won’t be happy with you on Judgment Day?

When’s the last time someone told you to that if you don’t believe in unicorns, you’ll be eternally punished?

Are the Ten Bigfoot Commandments being put in schools?

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

Upgrade to paid

Thank you for reading, and remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Yesterday, I submitted my final assignment to complete my Bachelor’s in Business Administration! For many people, a Bachelor’s degree probably isn’t much, and the fact that I’m just now finishing at 43 is even less impressive, but I’m pumped!

Now, I get to turn my full attention to making the best possible content that I can for you.

Comments from Christians

I’m… punching down on Christians??

Does Sancho know that Christianity is literally the world’s largest religion and that about 70% of the population in the United States identify as Christians?

Punching down is what CHRISTIANS do when they target the LGBTQ+ community, minorities, people with disabilities, and more.

Some people might see this at face value and think “aww, this sweet lady wants to pray for Kevin.” Poppycock, I say! I don’t need your fucking prayers, lady. If you really wanted to pray for me, you’d do it without posting to show everyone how pious you are.

I pray the blood of Satan over you.

I think Nick may have a crush on me.

“Your hands are way too soft for me, buttercup. I need a rugged man. A hard man.”

I’m afraid that if I get in better shape, I’ll cause you to stumble, buddy.

Incel says what?

“Single is the only choice.” Choice would imply that you have options, champ. Keep oiling up and using slurs. Maybe you’ll find someone.

The American Humanist Association funds local humanist groups doing good, mobilizes voters when it counts, and fights for LGBTQ+ equality, racial justice, an reproductive freedom.

Support the AHA for $1 and come hang with other humanists (including me) in the Discord: https://humanist.org/jesusunfollower

Cringey Christian Posts with No Context

I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

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Something You Should Know About

Community is important, and many of us who left religion lost that community. I just went to NaNoCon a couple weeks ago, and it was rejuvenating to be around likeminded people.

If you’re familiar with Godless Engineer, he and his wife KC are putting on a conference called Rocket City Reason in October in Huntsville, AL. I’ll be there, and so will many more cool skeptics. I suggest you go!!

Thank you for reading, and remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Thank you to Ann V, Doug B, Rob F, Kyl W, Doug M, and Jim O for becoming the most recent paid subscribers!

Around here, we give out awards to the worst and weirdest Christians.

I call it…The Fundies!

Let’s get into it!

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If you’re like me, you grow tired of religious zealots. I made the super smart decision to make content about atheism and religion daily, so now I get comments like this one every day:

Thanks, Kris. Super sweet of you!

When we leave church, many of us lose the only community that we had. I had heard about conferences for nonbelievers for years, but I didn’t know just how important they are until I went to NaNoCon, the Nashville Nones Convention, last year.

Those of us who interact with radical Evangelicals on social media (or just talk about the heavy topic of religion) need to seek out places where we can connect with those who are like us, and that’s exactly what these conferences provide.

The best way that I can describe NaNoCon is…rejuvenating.

I had to go back this year!

I got the chance to see some of my good friends and to be on my first panel! We talked about ways for the atheist community to reach new people.

50% off Jesus Unfollower!

There were tons of cool workshops, panels, and speakers.

Coleman Watts helped us understand how to have better conversations with conspiracy theorists.

Dr. Darrel Ray of The Secular Therapy Project and Recovering from Religion started things off with some levity.

50% off Jesus Unfollower!

Glenda Jordan (not pictured…that’s Jesus) spoke about neurodivergency, purity culture, and kink.

I was bummed that I didn’t get to meet Promise Backlund in person, but she did a phenomenal job virtually, talking about prioritizing humanity.

Hemant Mehta highlighted how our government is not doing enough to keep us safe from dangerous Christian nationalists.

Matt Dillahunty brought the magic and skepticism.

Monte Mader brought the motherfuckin’ house down as she dismantled Christian nationalism and poked holes in its flawed logic.

Forrest Valkai broke down the basics of science communication and helped us learn how to engage diverse audiences with big conversations about bigger facts!

Fish Stark helped us to envision a humanist world. American Humanist Association is doing some incredible work, and, if you want to put money toward a movement that matters, I’d suggest donating to AHA.

It was great to meet so many people in person for the first time! For those of you who came up to me and said hi, just know that it made my weekend.

There are several people that I didn’t mention here because that would take all day, but I had a blast.

Make sure you come to the next one! There’s a conference October 23-25 called Rocket City Reason, and I’ll be speaking at that one, along with AHA’s online conference, Humanity NOW.

I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

NaNoCon was fucking awesome, and anyone who goes to JesusUnfollower.com/NaNoCon can get 50% off an annual paid subscription! You’ll get bonus content every week and help me create better content to fight Christian nationalism.

NaNoCon 50% off sale!

Thank you for reading, and remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

SOUTH CAROLINA—Dwight Privlige, local incel, was seen berating a Starbucks barista on Sunday afternoon.

Upon noticing pink hair and an eyebrow ring, Privlige decided to place his order under the name “We are Charlie Kirk.”

When the barista refused to use verbalize the seething guests’s pseudonym, Privlige loudly proclaimed that he’s sick of Christians being attacked in the United States.

He then paid in cash with “In God We Trust” printed on the back, jumped into his Jesus-stickered, lifted truck that will never experience a woman’s presence, and headed straight to one of 721 churches within a half-mile radius.

Remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Thank you to Kyl W, Doug M, Jim O, Kelly K, Isaiah S, pospdx, Fianna, and Peter Z for becoming the most recent paid subscribers!

As you are reading this, my fiancee and I are probably on our way to NaNoCon in Nashville, TN to hang out with some fellow skeptics!

If you happen to be going, please come say hi!

This week, I’m recording a little mini podcast for paid subs…

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Ya know, when Trump won the 2024 election, much was said about how Gen Z men were one of the key components of making that happen.

Influenced by manosphere brainiacs like Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate, Andrew Schultz, and Theo Von, young bros were voting more for Trump than the young bros in the previous election.

Now? Shit has changed.

Turns out, you can’t expect people to believe your lies when you never deliver on anything you set out to do, and your entire M.O. is hate and dementia.

Overall, older people (especially Evangelicals) are less likely to change. Of course, they’re digging their heels in deeper when it comes to their beloved Donnie, but that unwavering support of Tangerine Palpatine is driving Gen Z away from church.

This article by Religion News says:

But even among Gen Z Christians, there’s a significant share who said Trump made it harder for them to attend at all: 44% of those who identified as a generic Christian, 42% of Catholics and 30% of Protestant young adults said they were turned off by the Christian-Trump alliance.

But you’d never fucking know that judging by what’s said by their parents and grandparents online:

Jay thinks that Trump makes people think about Jesus.

Bob, wearing his Chum Bucket helmet, wants to watch us burn from the “bleechers.”

Melissa hurls insults while driving a Ford Pedophile Sport.

And these people wonder why their kids and grandkids don’t visit as much as they used to.

I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

Back Kevin's Work ($7/mo)

Remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

They say that if you get haters online, you’re probably doing something right. If that’s the case, I must be doing something really right.

Evangelicals don’t like to see anyone criticizing their religion online. I get that. They feel personally attacked.

Recently, I’ve been making posts that make fun of Evangelicals by comparing Donald Trump to Jesus Christ. They feel doubly attacked.

I’m often told that I’m a loser posting from my mom’s basement.

Or I’ll get told that I’m going to burn forever.

Or…people like Dan H Howe will wish to inflict pain upon me:

Seems a bit extreme, Dan.

You know, you’d think if someone were going to make threats like that, they wouldn’t have allllll of their information so publicly available.

Oh, look at that…a personal trainer! Are you training people on how to button their polos up to their Adam’s apples?

Are you training people on how to be able to dish it but not take it (he posted his comment and then blocked me like a coward)?

Are you training people on how to be bad at insults?

I’m putting this here just in case anyone wants to get fit from home. I’m sure Dan’s 16 followers can tell you all about his badass virtual training!

Whatever you do, do NOT contact him via his extremely public information.

In all honesty, it’s pretty scary that these people walk among us.

They need to learn love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. If there were only a book they claim to follow that highlighted how important these things are!

I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

Back Kevin's Work ($7/mo)

Remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Thank you to Kyl W, Doug M, Jim O, Kelly K, Isaiah S, pospdx, Fianna, and Peter Z for becoming the most recent paid subscribers!

I am so fucking excited for the future.

Incredibly excited.

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I love sports. I grew up watching baseball, football, basketball, golf, hockey… I didn’t really seek out tennis or soccer, but I enjoyed watching them when they were on the TV.

We used to play baseball in my neighbor’s yard, next to his corn field. The neighbors would come over. It really felt like The Sandlot at times.

I was born in 1983, so I grew up in an amazing era of sports. The first sport I got into was baseball, and my team was the Braves. I watched them go from worst to first and have an amazing run in the 90s.

Barry Sanders juking defenders out of their shoes made me fall in love with football.

And I got to watch, in my opinion, the greatest era of basketball as a kid.

Jordan. Bird. Magic. The Bad Boy Pistons. Barkley. Stockton to Malone.

When Shaq came into the league, I was a HUGE fan.

I got to watch The Dream Team dominate the ‘92 Olympics, and the ‘96 Olympic team (featuring Shaq) crush every opponent.

Those ‘96 Olympics took place in Atlanta, about 70 miles from the Northwest Georgia town in which I grew up.

Another huge story from those ‘96 Olympics was the women’s gymnastics team called “The Magnificent Seven,” who took home the first ever women’s team gold for the USA.

Those gymnastics were physical. Now, let’s take a look at some mental ones (yes, I wrote this entire opening just for that joke):

How do these people arrive here? What is the point of turning WHO upside down just to fit your narrative? Confirmation bias much?

So sorry, Chris Cranium, that I trust science. Dude believes in SPIRITUAL IMPRISONMENT but not a coronavirus that killed millions.

Might wanna get that HEAD checked out, Broseph Gordon-Levitt.

Now, let’s turn our attention to Joyce, who is giving me a stern warning.

I always get a chuckle when a white boomer in the Western Hemisphere claims to know exactly what the creator of everything wants, based on what he allegedly said to illiterate goat herders in West Asia thousands of years ago.

It’s unpardonable according to whom, JOYCE?

I guess one thing that’s pardonable is supporting this piece of shit:

Imagine preaching morals to someone while being MAGA. She thinks that talking shit about the Holy Ghost is unpardonable while being stoked for the pardons of her J6 friends.

Up next we have Apostrophe Johnny:

Look at that kind family man.

Sounds like Johnny boy might be the one obsessed with SHIT.

Oh, sorry. I meant Sh’it.

If people will believe claims like the one he made about the landfill, they will truly believe anything.

I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

Back Kevin's Work ($7/mo)

Remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Around here, we like to give out awards to religious fanatics, and we call those awards…The Fundies! 🏆 It’s like The Dundies, except these are given to awful Christians.

Let’s go!

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I’m still not sure if social media is a net good or net bad for society. I lean toward net good because it lets people find others who are like them. It helps people to feel less alone. It’s an escape.

But I think we can all agree that it can be an absolute cesspool at times.

I used to love Twitter. It was a place where I could get sports news, read hot takes, and admire comedians who could crack us all up in 140 characters.

Then, Elon bought Twitter and turned it into a bunch of incels jerking each other off in the backseat of a virtual Cybertruck called X.

When Threads came along, it was refreshing. No ads. No DMs. Seemingly a lot less hateful MAGA assholes.

It was like that for a little while, and then Trump became president again and the hateful online discourse made its way to Zuckerberg’s Twitter wannabe.

The things that people say online (usually behind a fake profile) can be pretty disgusting: racism, homophobia, transphobia, and hate…many times in the name of their God.

Here’s an example. I opened the app while writing this, and this post was at the top of my feed:

I like to push back on these kinds of posts.

On Tuesday night, we went to watch the movie Obsession, which is absolutely worth the watch, and, when we got home, I saw that I had an email from Threads. It said this:

I’ve known that this is a possibility for many reasons:

1. Trump literally created an anti-Christian bias task force

2. Christians love mass reporting anything that doesn’t suck off Jesus

3. Lots of platforms have built-in tools to detect words and phrases they deem “hateful”

4. Moderators likely have too much power

Having said that, I was still bummed. My Threads account was at almost 30,000 followers and gets millions of views some months.

This is what I want to do full-time, and Threads helps people discover my content. That’s a gut punch.

I appealed the suspension, and they said it would take about an hour for them to decide whether my account would be restored or permanently banned.

Well, I got this email an hour later:

Permanently banned. Cool. Awesome. Let the bigots run wild but crack down on the people who call them out.

I started thinking “Well, maybe it’s a good thing. Threads is becoming more and more toxic, and this ban will give me more time to focus on making videos and writing on Substack.” I had become okay with it.

People on Instagram and Facebook were saying that I should take it as a badge of honor and be happy. I get that, but I’m also trying to make a living from content creation. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t care as much.

Then, another hour later, I got this:

To quote the Backstreet Boys:

If you think I’m about to ask you to support my work:

But, in all seriousness, I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If you can’t go paid, I completely understand. This economy is shit.

One free thing you could do to help out is to share my Substack with someone who you think would like it.

Share Jesus Unfollower

Even Facebook (the platform I earn the most from), is threatening to suspend my page.

I’m not trying to get rich from this; I just want to be able to make great videos, posts, memes, and to do large creative projects that will have a bigger impact.

I currently have 65 paid subscribers, and I appreciate all of you very much. I think the magic number is 500. If just a tiny fraction of the people who follow me would join my paid Substack, I wouldn’t have to worry about spending a single minute doing client work that takes me away from the thing I do best, and I won’t have to rely on shaky algorithms that constantly change and suppress content.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

Back Kevin's Work ($7/mo)

Remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin

Pride month always brings out the absolute worst in Evangelical Christians.

They punch down on the LGBTQ+ community for an entire month (in addition to the other 11 months, but it’s a bit more concentrated in June).

They also do not understand the concept of punching down and, in an unsurprising twist, think they are the victims in the United States.

When you’re the oppressor, you don’t get to whine about being oppressed.

Sweet Brad had some thoughts:

Oh no… people are going to be more okay with… queer people!

No statistics are going up? Does he mean the human population? Do we need more people? We have 9 billion already.

See, Brad, the thing about sin is… it’s a fucking made up concept by religious people. Your rules don’t dictate our lives.

Full of love, indeed, Brad. Full of love, indeed.

I don’t make much money from social media, and what little I do make is always at risk because of the nature of this content.

Paid subscribers here on Substack are how I can keep doing this.

If my page has made you laugh or feel less alone, become a paid Unfollower!

Back Kevin's Work ($7/mo)

Remember: You don’t need a god to be good.

Kevin