16 Years as an Atheist 🚫🙏
Here's what I've learned...
Welcome to The Ex-Christian Observer: a weekly newsletter from a former Christian unpacking the madness that is evangelical Christian America.
What’s up nonbelievers, doubters, and skeptics?
I’m an atheist who lives in the Bible Belt. I actually became an atheist in 2009. It’s really hard to believe that it’s been that long.
I grew up Baptist and then went to a Pentecostal church in my late teens and early twenties. If you want the full deconversion story, you can check it out here.
In my time as an atheist, there have been a lot of highs and lows, and I’ve learned a lot about myself… about atheists in general… and about how people view us.
So, to stick with the theme of 16, here are 16 things I’ve learned during my time as an atheist.
1. A lot of people don’t know what “atheist” means.
They think it means you worship the devil. Or that you’re unsure of what you believe. Or that you know there are definitely no gods.
But being an atheist just means I don’t believe in God. That’s it. It’s not a claim about the universe. It doesn’t mean I’m mad at God, or backslidden, or confused. It just means I don’t believe.
2. You don’t have to label yourself.
Even though I use the label “agnostic atheist,” I’ve learned over the last 16 years that labels aren’t required.
If you’re questioning your faith or not sure what you believe, you don’t have to slap a label on it. If “agnostic” fits, great. If not, that’s fine too. You can just be honest about what you believe; labels are optional.
3. It’s okay to say “I don’t know.”
There’s this idea that atheists are supposed to know everything about philosophy, science, and logic.
But I’m okay saying “I don’t know.” What happened before the Big Bang? I don’t know. Why do bad things happen? I don’t know. And I don’t have to make up an answer like “God did it” to feel better.
4. Not every deconstruction path ends in atheism.
Some people question their faith and end up believing more strongly. Others land somewhere in the middle. And that’s okay.
I don’t need everyone to become an atheist. I just want people to question things and be honest about where they land.
5. The anger comes and goes.
When I first became an atheist in 2009, I was angry. Not because people lied to me intentionally, but because I felt misled.
That anger faded over time... then came back in waves depending on what I saw in the news or what Christians were posting online.
The anger is part of it sometimes. And that’s normal.
6. People take it personally when you don’t believe in their god.
Even when I just share my story, people tell me I’m wrong. They assume I’m rejecting the “one true God,” and that I should see the truth just like they do.
They take it personally, even when it’s not about them.
7. Dating a religious person is hard (but doable).
It’s possible, but there have to be boundaries and zero expectations about converting each other.
It gets especially tricky when you talk about the future—raising kids, going to church, etc. It’s easier when the religious partner is more spiritual than fundamentalist. But either way, it takes a lot of compromise.
8. Deconstructing religion helps you deconstruct other things too.
Once I started questioning religion, it opened the door to questioning my politics, my upbringing, and my worldview in general.
I used to believe what I was taught without question. After breaking free from religion, I started asking, Why do I really believe this?
9. People assume a lot when you say you’re an atheist.
They assume I hate Christians.
Or that I had a bad church experience.
That I have no morals.
That I claim to know the origin of the universe.
What my politics are.
But I never said any of that. People just project their assumptions when they hear the word “atheist.”
10. I became more compassionate.
Not everyone will, but I did.
When I let go of religious guilt and rules, I was able to see people more clearly. I stopped judging them based on what my holy book said and started empathizing with where they were coming from.
11. There are good and bad atheists.
Just like there are good and bad Christians.
Saying someone’s an atheist tells you one thing: that they don’t believe in a god. That’s it. It doesn’t make them a good person. It doesn’t make them your new best friend. You have to look at the whole person.
12. Worship songs still get stuck in my head.
Even 16 years later.
I’ll be in the shower or driving, and a worship song will randomly pop in my head. Not every day. Not even every week. But often enough.
Christians might think that means “God’s calling me back.” Nope. Just means they were catchy, and I listened to them a lot during a very formative time in my life.
13. Christian nationalism is way more dangerous than I realized.
I used to think church and state were basically separate in the U.S.
But the longer I’ve been out of religion, the more I’ve noticed how much Christian nationalism has crept into our laws, politics, and public schools. It’s a real threat, and it’s not subtle.
14. Online community matters.
When I first deconstructed, I felt alone, but finding other people who had gone through the same thing made a huge difference.
Atheist creators, podcasts, and meme accounts helped me feel less isolated. That’s one of the main things I discovered after starting Jesus Unfollower.
15. People think atheism is a phase.
Even after 16 years, I still hear things like “you’ll come back to God” or “you’re just angry.”
It’s wild how some folks can’t accept that I genuinely don’t believe. They see it as temporary rebellion, not a worldview I’ve thoughtfully arrived at.
16. I don’t regret leaving.
Not for a second.
It hasn’t always been easy. But I’m so glad I made the choice to live authentically, even when it meant being misunderstood, rejected, or judged.
I wouldn’t trade the freedom I have now for anything.
Comments From Christians
It’s Holy Week, which means there aren’t any angry Christians leaving horrible comments…right?
I get very sick of the kumbaya bullshit.
Sure, in an ideal world, I’d love for everyone to get along, but that’s not reality.
If everyone were like this person, we’d all get steamrolled.
Some of the most artistic and brilliant people in the world are atheists. Meanwhile, Goober’s main contribution to the world is being an anonymous, condescending troll.
How about “You can’t be a prick and be a Christian”?
Again with the “you’re not allowed to have opinions because someone’s feelings could get hurt” nonsense.
They’re free to practice their religion, and I’m free to criticize it.
Oh, Susie. One of us believes propaganda, and it’s not me.
I wish there were no need for my account to exist.
I wonder if Jenniefer is okay.
I’M GUESSING NOT.
This next dude…
It’s weird how simply posting a reel about not going to church makes people this angry. I wonder how his strained relationships with his children are going.
And now for the worst comment of the week!
It comes from a man named King Carlos.
Here goes:
How does a person’s brain work this way?
I post about being an atheist, so that makes me gay?
He’ll say I’m doing it for clout, but I’m guessing he never says that about his favorite Christian content creators.
Thanks for reading!
Remember: you don’t need a god to be good.
Kevin
All of my links: www.jesusunfollower.com
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