WASHINGTON—In an unexpected move on Monday night, the Lord God Almighty himself has instructed his chosen savior of the United States, Donald Trump, to suggest that Iran, a country that Trump attacked for no goddamn reason, attack Los Angeles or San Diego.
President Trump, who will 100% definitely accept the results of the midterm elections, seems to be getting desperate to bring up his 29% approval rating.
“Well, I back him, no matter what he does,” said Colt Member, a three-time Trump voter and front-pew-sitter at First White Baptist Church.
Thank you to Charity F, Gina M, KT, Hailey N, and Lori M for becoming the most recent paid subscribers!