This is a satirical newsletter from Jesus Unfollower. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to support my work and receive bonus content. The more people who become paid subscribers, the more time and energy I can pour into fighting Christian nationalism.
What’s up PATRIOTS?
This is a day that the Lord has made. I’m gonna rejoice and be glad in it!
But here’s one thing I refuse to be glad about: Cory Booker.
Cory Booker just “filibustered” for over 25 hours, and everyone acts like it’s some kind of miracle. Hell, he just barely beat Strom Thurmond’s record, and Strom was actually doing something besides just trash talking the sitting president!
Strom Thurmond was legit filibustering for something he believed in: preventing the passage of the Civil Rights Act, not just wasting everyone’s time.
From The Hill:
“To be candid, Strom Thurmond’s record always kind of, just, just really irked me, that he would be the longest speech — that the longest speech, on our great Senate floor, was someone who was trying to stop people like me from being in the Senate,” Booker said on MSNBC’s “The Rachel Maddow Show,” in his first interview after spending more than 25 hours holding the Senate floor.
And, wow, 25 hours… let me know when you’ve fasted for 40 days, Cory. That’s what my savior did, and you cannot touch that.
I think his little stunt is gonna push the Democratic Party even further left, and I say GO FOR IT. We beat you in a landslide in 2024, and, if we have another election, we’ll beat you even worse this time.
Saturday Night Lame
My boy Morgan Wallen performed on SNL this past week. Does anybody actually still watch that show? Lol.
The only reason I watched is because the greatest country artist of our time took the stage. You know, I saw him here at Neyland Stadium last year, and it was epic. Hardy opened up and covered God’s Country by Blake Shelton. He told everyone to leave the USA if they don’t like it.
We all went wild.
But back to that garbage program in New York City.
You know how, at the end of the show, the host and musical guest usually stick around and hug the cast and all of that crap?
Well, Morgan had enough of that blue city and made a beeline for the door.
And then that went viral.
Personally, I don’t blame him!
We’re talking about a show who completely misrepresents the PRESIDENT OF THE USA. They make Donald Trump out to be some misogynistic, racist, xenophobic, hateful, vengeful, disgusting, fascist, authoritarian, narcissistic, delusional, orange, draft-dodging, fragile, petty, unhinged conman dictator.
That’s not who he is. He cares about the working man.
If I were Morgan Wallen, I would have walked off, too!
After he left, he posted a picture on Instagram with the caption “Get me to God's Country,” and, of course, the left had a field day with that one!
Joke’s on them, though, because Morgan just came out with Get me to God’s country MERCH. Sign me up.
This episode of The Frank Truth Show is brought to you by Anointed Beard Balm™ — because a man’s beard should be as righteous as his walk with the Lord.
Tired of your facial hair looking like a liberal arts major? It’s time to reclaim your masculinity with a balm handcrafted in the Holy Land of southern Kentucky, using only the finest essential oils, frankincense, and a dash of sanctified Texas cedar.
Whether you’re leading a Bible study, storming the Cap… I mean, the gates of hell — or just shouting down demons at your local school board meeting, Anointed Beard Balm™ keeps your beard firm, full, and unapologetically patriarchal.
Don’t settle for woke whiskers. Choose the balm trusted by 9 out of 10 pastors with podcast studios in their truck.
Visit FrankTruth.net and, use promo code TRUTH to get 10% off your first bottle.
Anointed Beard Balm™ — Because Jesus had a beard. And so should you.
Kid Rockstar
This is what freedom looks like:
When I was 16, driving around in my Pontiac Grand Am listening to Devil Without a Cause, I never saw this being part of my future, but boy am I glad this is our 2025 reality.
I went to KidRock.com to see if I could buy one of these snazzy outfits, but no luck. I did, however pick up one of these awesome Kid Rock MAGA jerseys!
I thought maybe Buckle would have the suit that Kid Rock wore to the Oval Office. They had a lot of similar Affliction attire, but not this. I guess it was custom made.
President Zelensky could learn a thing or two from Kid Rock. Zelensky disrespected the USA by not wearing a suit when he came to meet with Trump and JD Vance.
Not only did Kid Rock wear a suit…he wore a suit with an American flag on it! Now, that’s respect.
Trump Plays Golf. So what?
There’s a Yahoo article about how much Donald Trump plays golf.
It’s called People Are Calling Donald Trump A "Hypocrite" And His Golf Trips A "Waste" After It Reportedly Passed The $26-Million Mark
Apparently, our beloved president has spent 18 out of his first 69 days in office playing golf.
I ask this: is that a lot of golf??
I’ve dabbled in chasing that little white ball around, and I can tell you that the only way you improve is if you play a lot.
Do we really want a president who sucks at golf? I know I don’t.
According to an analysis by HuffPost — which based its findings on a 2019 Government Accountability Office report — the cost of these outings has cost US taxpayers about $26,127,531.
Aside from having to play a lot to be good, another thing I know about golf is that it’s an EXPENSIVE hobby.
In the grand scheme, $26 million isn’t a lot for taxpayers. Hell, we give Ukraine billions and billions. The libs don’t seem to have a problem with that, now, do they??
Obama played a lot of golf, too, just FYI. And he doesn’t even own any golf courses! Trump needs to play because he needs to keep an eye on his properties.
The Devil in Plain Sight
Amazon has launched an AI that can control your web browser.
You read that right.
Amazon on Monday unveiled Nova Act, a general-purpose AI agent that can take control of a web browser and independently perform some simple actions. Alongside the new agentic AI model, Amazon is releasing the Nova Act SDK, a toolkit that allows developers to build agent prototypes with Nova Act.
I’ll be honest: I don’t know what a lot of those words mean, but it doesn’t sound good.
Check this out:
Amazon says developers building with the Nova Act SDK should be able to automate basic actions on behalf of users, such as ordering salads from Sweetgreen or making dinner reservations. With the Nova Act toolkit, developers can pull together tools that allow an AI agent to navigate web pages, fill out forms, or pick dates on a calendar.
I believe this is Satan at work.
If our browsers can order salads, they can also order demonic materials. What’s to stop them from getting Playboys sent to my house?
Matter of fact: one showed up there a couple months ago, and my wife found it. I told her I wasn’t sure why it was addressed to me or how it got there, but now I know.
I’m a little conflicted on this because I’m a big fan of Jeff Bezos. I think he’s an underrated billionaire. I love Elon Musk—don’t get me wrong—but he gets all of the billionaire spotlight now, and people forget about Jeff.
The Woke Watchlist
I was searching for a new podcast to listen to on my way to a hog hunt, and I stumbled across one called Straight White American Jesus.
I thought “All right. I can get on board with this. It’s pretty much all of my favorite things.”
The episode I listened to started with a clip of Trump talking about deporting illegals, and I was immediately on board.
Then, the hosts introduced themselves.
Two professors. Red flag #1 🚩
Listen to these credentials:
Bradley Onishi, PhD, Faculty in Religion and Philosophy at the University of San Francisco. A TEDx speaker, he has written for the New York Times, Huffpost, Religion & Politics, The LA Review of Books, The Conversation US, Rewire.News, among other outlets. He has appeared on NPR-affiliate programs and nationally ranked podcasts. His monograph, The Sacrality of the Secular, appeared from Columbia University Press in 2018; he has published in journals such as JAAR, Sophia, Religions, and The American Book Review. Brad was a pastor at a California megachurch in Yorba Linda (birthplace of Richard Nixon!) before attending Oxford University, L’institut catholique de Paris, and the University of California Santa Barbara.
Red flag #2 🚩
Daniel Miller, PhD, is Associate Professor of Religion and Social Thought and Chair in the Department of Liberal Studies at Landmark College. His first book, The Myth of Normative Secularism (Duquesne 2016), was a 2016 INDIES award finalist in the category of political science. He is completing his second book, Queer Democracy, and has published in Constellations, Soundings, Political Theology, and Method and Theory in the Study of Religion. Dan served as a Southern Baptist Minister before attending graduate school at Oxford University and Syracuse University.
I think you know where I’m going with this.
Red flag #3 🚩
This country wasn’t built on a Queer Democracy.
I don’t trust anyone with a PhD after their name. You think you’re better than me? Well, except Jordan Peterson.
As you can imagine, these fellas went on to criticize my president (yours too, btw).
How are we supposed to move forward as a country when every single thing Trump does is put under a microscope like this?
I’m a Christian nationalist. These guys act like that’s something to be ashamed of.
They guys have over 800 episodes bashing my Lord and Savior.
Whatever you do, do NOT listen to this podcast. It’s Satan at work.
Let’s close in prayer.
Heavenly Father, please forgive the Straight White American Jesus guys, for they know not what they do.
Father, put your hand on Donald Trump, Kid Rock, and Morgan Wallen.
In Jesus mighty name I pray,
Amen.
If you want to help me fight the WOKE MIND VIRUS, you can become a TRUTHER by upgrading to a paid subscription.
America First 🇺🇸
Frank
When this hit my inbox, I totally missed the note under the headline saying that it was satire and thought "How in the hell did this sh*t end up in my email?!" Great work. It was a maddening read when I thought it was real...lol.