Introducing...The Fundies! 🏆
The award show exposing horrible Christians
What’s up, Unfollowers?
Welcome to Holy Nonsense, where we laugh at religious absurdity!
I love calling out hypocrites… specifically people who say that they love Jesus and are living for him, yet they spew the most hateful shit you’ll ever see on the internet.
That’s why I’m going to start giving out awards here on Substack!
Welcome to the first ever Fundie awards!
The Fundies!
Yes, I’m a gigantic fan of The Office, so I took some inspiration from Michael Gary Scott.
The Super Bowl is coming up, and I know that means that evangelical Christians will be posting about how it’s actually Satan, not Bad Bunny, who is in control of the show.
Let’s give out some awards!
Punctuation is Optional 🏆
Tommy loves to say things which make absolutely zero sense!
Besides going to church on Sunday, Tommy also enjoys many wonderful hobbies, such as staring at the wall and getting fooled by AI.
Unnecessary Words and Hashtags 🏆
Good thing she let us know that she’s latino-indigenous because that definitely is important here…
I don’t think she knows how #freespeech works.
Mermaid Man 🏆
If you’re a Spongebob fan like I am, then you know that Mermaid Man has no tolerance for evil.
Well, neither does Jim Beaverson.
Christians are quick to label things evil: music, men in dresses…
I can’t help but notice, though, that his profile picture is Donald Trump: an adjudicated rapist, 34-time felon, insurrectionist, and frequent flyer to Epstein Island.
How is a halftime show evil but not Donald Trump?
Why are you more upset about a man in a dress than a man who sexually assaults women?
Let’s take a look at another one of Jim’s posts:
This post was made about Alex Pretti—a man who was protecting a woman from ICE thugs…a man who was shot and killed in cold blood by government agents.
Evangelicals like Jim are a danger to this country because they care more about power than doing what’s right.
Consider becoming a paid subscriber. It’s $5/month to join, which is roughly the price of a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. You’ll be helping me fight Christian nationalism and fueling my Taco Bell addiction.
Remember: you don’t need a god to be good.
Until next time!
Kevin
All of my links: www.jesusunfollower.com
Hi!
I'm a skeptic, agnostic most days, deconstructionist.
Can I be a guest contributor to the award ceremony where I award the worst apologetic I've seen for the period?
I'm a science minded person, with what I'd like to think is a reasonable grasp on logic and reason. Some of the apologetics for typical Christian orthodoxy are just... Well... They're something a four letter word might sum up well 😅
I think you should refine the category names though. Like "worst fundies" sure. But then "Worst grammar", "Worst at telling on yourself" "Worst at looking like the Jesus they believe in", "worst at being a human", "worst a making friends" etc.
Categories you are easier to reuse later.
Hold me closer tiny Fundie!