Now hiring! Agent of Satan

I worship the Easter Bunny

What’s up, Unfollowers??

Welcome to Holy Nonsense, where we laugh at religious absurdity!

Almost daily, I’m told that I’m associated with Satan to some degree, such as:

I worship Satan.

Satan is my father.

I once had someone tell me that I’m sponsored by Satan, so, of course, I had to turn that into merch.

Terry here had another take:

I wonder what an agent of Satan actually does.

I picture us as a bunch of Mr. Smiths from The Matrix.

I asked ChatGPT for a job description:

Position Overview

The Agent of Satan is responsible for spreading dangerous ideas such as critical thinking, asking uncomfortable questions, and occasionally pointing out logical inconsistencies. This role involves interacting with the public, especially individuals who strongly prefer not to examine their beliefs too closely.

The ideal candidate will possess a strong sense of humor, a tolerance for angry comment sections, and the ability to remain calm when accused of eternal damnation.

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Key Responsibilities

🔥 Encourage people to ask questions about things they were told never to question.

🔥 Commit acts of radical compassion without requiring belief in supernatural authority.

🔥 Occasionally post memes that cause evangelical Facebook groups to spiral into theological debates.

🔥 Promote kindness, empathy, and evidence based thinking in environments where those things are considered suspicious.

🔥 Respond politely when strangers on the internet threaten you with hell.

🔥 Create content that causes someone’s aunt to comment “I’ll be praying for you.”

🔥 Maintain a steady supply of sarcasm when confronted with claims that morality requires divine supervision.

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Qualifications

• Ability to read ancient texts and say “huh, that’s weird.”
• Comfortable being accused of ruining society.
• Strong meme literacy.
• Experience surviving comment sections preferred.
• Ability to resist spontaneous combustion inside church buildings.

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Compensation & Benefits

• Flexible hours (eternity is a long time).
• Unlimited access to forbidden knowledge.
• Casual dress code.
• Healthcare not required because apparently the flames of hell are “cleansing.”
• Occasional high fives from other “agents.”

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Performance Metrics

Success in this role will be measured by:

• Number of people who say “I’ve never thought about it that way before.”
• Number of comments beginning with “You’re going to burn in hell.”
• Number of times someone says you’re “attacking Christianity” simply by asking a question.

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Equal Opportunity Statement:
Hell welcomes applicants of all backgrounds, beliefs, and denominations.

Also, why do they always equate atheists with leftists?

I was a Republican atheist for like 7 years.

I do think that many atheists tend to make their way to the left, though, because that just so happens to be where empathy lives.

Remember: you don’t need a god to be good.

Until next time!

Kevin

All of my links: www.jesusunfollower.com