The Jesus MAGA Funeral Extravaganza

Christian Nationalism is here.

Welcome to Holy Nonsense, where we laugh at religious absurdity!

Although, lately, it’s not as easy to laugh.

I told myself that I wasn’t going to watch the Charlie Kirk Memorial.

…then I watched the Charlie Kirk memorial.

Curiosity got the best of me.

As I turned on YouTube, I was surprised to see that this was a 7 HOUR EVENT.

Granted, the first hour or so was just the “we’re going live soon” screen, so let’s call it 6.

If I had to sum up the memorial event, I would say that it was megachurch meets Wrestlemania meets MAGA meets marketing.

These motherfuckers had a QR code up on the screen to join their email list while they were mourning their friend.

It was weird.

At the event, they were selling “Make America Charlie Kirk” hats.

A merch table at a funeral, brah??

There was a TON of talk about Jesus.

There were pastors in attendance, including Jentezen Franklin and Frank Turek.

Turek actually spoke, and it was fucking weird. For some reason, he decided to give us all a play-by-play of the shooting.

“He wasn’t looking at me. He was looking past me right into eternity. He was with Jesus already. He was killed instantly and felt absolutely no pain.” - Frank Turek

There were several hours of worship music.

HOURS.

This felt much like a Christian event that I had the displeasure of attending a few years ago called Life Surge.

Life Surge is a Christian event that mixes worship, preaching, and business.

They play on emotions. Make leftists and nonbelievers the enemy. And then sell you stuff.

This memorial was the same.

Chris Tomlin, one of the biggest names in contemporary Christian music, played a song or two.

There were thousands of people wearing MAGA hats, worshipping Jesus in a football stadium. Have we reached peak ick?

Stephen Miller made a speech that Adolf Hitler would approve of.

He said THIS…at a fucking memorial service:

Our enemies cannot comprehend our strength, our determination, our resolve, our passion, our lineage, and our legacy hails back to Athens, to Rome, to Philadelphia, to Monticello. Our ancestors built the cities. They produced the art and architecture, they built the industry. ... We stand for what is good, what is virtuous, what is noble. And for those trying to incite violence against us, those trying to foment hatred against us. What do you have? You have nothing. You are nothing. You are wickedness, you are jealousy! You are envy! You are hatred! You are nothing! You can build nothing. You can produce nothing. You can create nothing. We are the ones who build. We are the ones who create. We are the ones who lift up humanity.

President Trump followed along those same lines by saying that he hates his enemies.

Truly, a divider-in-chief.

Erika Kirk forgave her husband’s killer…after the pyrotechnics ended.

Also, the ghost of Lee Greenwood appeared and sang the only song people know from him.

It was a bit awkward when he turned and started singing directly to Trump.

It’s fun to laugh about some of the nonsense, but we’re also living in very scary times.

I’ve seen many of my acquaintances saying that we’re headed in the right direction as a country because all of our leaders are proclaiming that Jesus is lord for millions to see.

Friends, that’s not a good thing.

It’s one thing if they personally believe it; it’s quite another if they expect the rest of us to fall in line.

There are probably some parts of the memorial that I’m forgetting, but, honestly, it’s better that way.

Moving on!

Here’s a recent comment I got:

When I was at my most Jesus Freak, I still couldn’t imagine ever saying something like this to someone simply because they didn’t share my belief in god.

I hope that fucker gets visited by the ghost of Lee Greenwood tonight.

I do this to make people laugh, to process religious trauma, and to remind us all we’re not alone in this Christian nationalist hellscape.

If that’s worth a few bucks a month to you, I’d be honored.

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Remember: you don’t need a god to be good.

Until next time!

Kevin

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